I’ve always admired Stephen Legault’s writing; his descriptions, dialogue and sentences work for me and his books make for fun, enjoyable reading.
But not his latest book, Running Towards Stillness. This is a difficult book and I kept having to set it aside.
By that I don’t mean the book is awful. Instead, I mean it is powerful. It forced me, without initially realizing it, to begin examining my own life, particularly in light of an especially painful and recent episode. My sister, Lesley Alderson, died on Aug. 9 and shortly after that, in September, I started reading Legault’s book.
Running Towards Stillness is a chronicle of Legault’s journey that began in 2006 following an especially bad decision he made, while deeply depressed, to have an affair. And while the book explores the consequences of that decision, along with the anger and fear he had been carrying with him for most of his life, Legault also shares how he moved beyond the pain and suffering. He does this through running and meditation.
He tells his story through a series of vignettes in which he looks critically at his life and the progress he makes towards his goal and in doing so, he is open, honest and courageous.
The difficulty in reading this book, for me, came almost immediately. I could relate all too well to his anger, his fear and his sadness, as those were, and still are, the same emotions I felt following my sister’s short illness and her death. Reading his book reminded me how unhappy I actually was.
But Legault also makes it clear that no matter what our experience is, we are not alone and that it is possible to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off – as long as we’re willing to do the hard work – and carry on living.
It’s not easy to lay yourself out and bare your soul, as Legault does in Running Towards Stillness, especially when it comes to our mistakes and our faults. Those are the things that most of us prefer to keep tucked away. It can be awkward and uncomfortable when complete strangers know your inner workings, but it certainly makes for poignant writing.
Running Towards Stillness, as a result, is a self-help book, but the best possible kind: there’s no checklists, work sheets or exercises, just shared experience. You may not even know you’re being helped – guided might be the better word – until those little discoveries begin to bubble up from your subconscious and when those bubbles pop, it can be surprising and not always welcome, but perhaps necessary.
At least that is my experience with this book. As difficult as this book was for me to read, I found it hard to leave it alone for long. Legault is a perceptive writer with a wry sense of humour that sneaks into his words, drawing a laugh when you least expect it and it pulled me back to it, despite the discomfort I felt having to face my own dragons. But his words have helped, especially his reminder that “… you are not alone.”
And he’s right. We’re all human and in that, we face trials and if one person can make it through, so too can another. There’s peace to be found in that message.
Running Towards Stillness is published by Rocky Mountain Books. It’s available for $25.
